- Two Letters
- All the World Is (Not) a Stage
- Sally Draper at the Ford Rotunda
- Belle Isle Aquarium
- Songbook: For All We Know
- Lighted Field
- Sugarbush Lake
- Of Rumor and Riot
- American Dreamers: Badlands’ Kit Carruthers and Holly Sargis
- The Lost Potential of Nostalgia
- Why I Dream of Opening Day
- History, Geography and Renisha McBride
- Where were you when Detroit failed?
- Author’s Q&A / University of Michigan Press
- Ford Road
- Cigars, c1920
- Slide dreams
- Middleville, Michigan c1930
- Middleville, Michigan c1928
- Thornapple River, c1922
- “Automobiles have come”
- Automobile, Barry County, Michigan c1929
- Singer, c1939
- Bennett Park (pre-Tiger Stadium), Detroit, c1910
Jackie Kennedy, Ray Bradbury, Suburbia, and Me (Belt Magazine, July 21, 2017)
“Drifting snow, a near whiteout. Left at the end of our street and then over two blocks to a particular mailbox, the one next to the big highway that led to Detroit. Leaving small footprints in the snow to be dusted over by more snow, I passed dozens of box houses strung with Christmas lights, many switched on to make the blizzard festive. Newly built, each house had cost less than $12,000, and favorable 30-year mortgage deals had been given to young family men who came back from the War. As I walked against the wind and flurries, I brimmed with love for the streets of “ticky-tacky.”* These were the last years before my distrust of the place began to set in. Each driveway boasted an oversized Ford or Chevy, now disappearing beneath thickening white. Engines silent on cars owned by the people who made and sold them. Detroit, you were quiet that day. Did I dream you? Your glorious skyline, your elegant department stores and grand movie palaces, were lost in the blizzard.”
“It may indeed be questioned whether we have any memories at all from our childhood: memories relating to our childhood may be all that we possess.” (Freud, Screen Memories, 1899)
Sally Draper at the Ford Rotunda (published by Eclectica Magazine, October/November, 2016)
Belle Isle Aquarium is the winner of Streetlight Magazine‘s 2016 short fiction contest.
Nina held her hand as they moved slowly through the large gallery beneath an arched ceiling of sea-green glass tiles. From one walled tank to another, each lit from within, one framed neon scene to the next, their girlish faces were illuminated by these poor fish. She was sure the rhythmic dropping mouths were supplications. “They’re saying something,” she tugged Nina’s sleeve. “No, that’s how they breathe,” Nina said.
Each parting in life diminishes us in some measure, and we may pause to wonder if it is the last one. Time and events will intervene sooner or later. Accidents. Illnesses. Cells age and mutate. Breaths become shallow. Hearts begin to skip beats. We die a little every day.
Top of the ninth. You and I make out behind the clubhouse at the Lighted Field. We run before the inning ends.
This sketch, one of a series about the Lighted Field in Garden City, Michigan, was published as part of the Narrative Map project hosted by Great Lakes Review.
The homemade docks at Sugarbush promise firm ground, a stone path leading to a cottage, a mother and father, a clearing in the trees, and a gravel road back to town, because life asks to be lived.
This essay appeared in Bright Lights Film Journal (November 4, 2014)
To read in pdf: American Dreamers (BLFJ)
If Badlands is a story outside history, as Malick claims, then Kit is bent on creating one for
himself, a history of himself, or failing that, finding a memento to stand in for a history that will go unnoticed and unsung, as our histories tend to do. “I’m going to keep it for a
souvenir,” he says finally, of the stone. “Or maybe one that’s lighter,” he adds, tossing the heavy stone away and reaching for a more portable one. These are the scenes that, true to Malick’s wish, prevent my “winking” at his character’s expense. I feel, with Kit, the sadness and futility of our attempts to mark our own passages. Memento mori: remember that you must die. Perhaps more to the point: remember that you must be forgotten.
(a version of this essay appeared in Salon on March 16, 2014)
Shirley and Pal, Christmas Day, 1930.
In the old photograph album
Of all the photographs in the old album, this is the one I return to again and again. My mother at the age of eleven, hugging her dog on a cold snowbank, a ghostly winter tree behind her. A whiteout after a blizzard, made whiter by the fading of the image, while on the print itself, some pink staining on the lower right section. I carefully remove the photo from the album, releasing it from the little corner clips that hold it in place, lifting it away from its handwritten caption to see that there is nothing written on the reverse of the photograph.
Looking closer, I note signs of scratches from the negative, and faint traces of squiggly writing next to the pink stain, a list of numbers as far as I can tell. Someone must have scribbled a bit of arithmetic on a piece of paper accidentally laid over the picture, leaving an impression on the print. These flaws and traces, like outward signs of age, pull us to the surface and make our reading of the picture an act of detection, a forensic investigation of the life of the print itself. Where has it been, who held it or tampered with it, who placed it in the old album and gave it a caption, what do the near invisible numbers refer to, what caused the stains? How did it come into my hands, by what chain of family historical conveyance, and where will it go after me? Will I be the last person to care about it? This seems likely.
The picture is a glance at the remote history – frozen for a moment on a snowy holiday – of a strange girl who would one day be our mother. Here she is in the last days of childhood, when her name was Shirley Granger. A name we never knew her by, a Shirley we never met, her Louise Brooks haircut, her face turned away from us, our not-yetness in her life story, the greater importance and comfort of Pal – a dog from another century, a Christmas and a snowfall years before the birth of her three children. Sometimes while looking at this picture, I am brushed by a feather of guilt at my own arrival. To look is to violate her claim to a life before me, a private moment with her dog, her right to childhood, play in the snow, the chance of free time before marriage and motherhood.
Middleville, her hometown, remains outside the frame of the photograph, but it presses on the scene, as hometowns are wont to do. I don’t know Middleville; it is not my hometown. I visited it only a handful of times during my own childhood, yet each time I look at the photograph, the suggestion of the town is there, a memory so powerful in my parents and grandparents that it passed into me, a sense of place so instinctively familiar that I suffer something akin to a bout of homesickness. Can we be homesick for places that are not our home? The feeling may be partly explained by the strong presence of my mother in this particular photograph, yet it stalks me when I leaf through the other pages in the album, seeing not only pictures of my mother and her family, but river scenes, farmhouses, empty roads, an old gas station.
I have long held that ancestral memory colonizes not only our bodies, but our bodies in place. We know that our ancestors inhabit our natural shapes, movements and gestures, the colors of our eyes and hair, the way our skins weather in the sun or cold, the tiniest inflections in our voices. But we are sometimes more surprised to discover the impact of ancestral places, often places unknown to us, on our moods and emotions. A visit to a previously unknown, old family street corner can make us giddy or melancholy; walking along the sidewalk, we feel the dent of earlier footsteps, of histories before our time leaving a residue on the surface of things and inside us. Or there is the power of a house that remains in a family for two or three generations, of its rooms and stairs and front porch. There are people in whom lineal and place memory are so subtly registered that even as children, they sense the trace of dead ancestors in that house, and then decades later from their own last beds in other, newer houses, recall the sombre-hued textures of the old house, now sold and gone. It seems we carry, perhaps more than is commonly acknowledged, sense memories of people and places we may not have known directly in our own lives. Is this too, a form of homesickness?
If the photograph of my mother with her dog proves especially affecting, nearly all of the photographs in the old album provoke this displaced homesickness in me, a familiar longing that compels me to look and look. Simultaneously painful and pleasurable, my longing might once have been described, and with some accuracy, as nostalgia.
Yet the word fails me now; it fails all of us. It continues to enjoy great currency, yet it fails to provide an explanation for this particular experience of memory, the longing that comes to so many of us when we are confronted by our old photographs and artefacts, our old places, or even places and people that we never knew directly. We are left without an adequate explanation and often without a productive way forward, a way to use our longing for the past as a helpful tool in the present. And so my looking at the picture of my mother, in turn re-ignites an earlier preoccupation with the changing meanings and uses of nostalgia.
“Nostalgia ain’t what it used to be”
We still smile when we hear this line, usually attributed to Yogi Berra, but we forget the literal truth of the remark. Nostalgia has indeed changed beyond recognition, until we no longer know what to do with it. If we look up nostalgia in any standard dictionary, we find something like the following, taken from the World English Dictionary:
1. a yearning for the return of past circumstances, events, etc.
2. the evocation of this emotion, as in a book, film, etc.
3. longing for home or family; homesickness
Many of us now derive pleasure in popular forms of nostalgia, actively seeking out films, music, memorabilia that allow us to swim in its waters; then some of us work very hard to dry ourselves off and break free from what we see as crass and backward-looking sentimentality. This last view of nostalgia has gained acceptance, as a brief look in any thesaurus will illustrate. Suggested synonyms for nostalgia include not only sentimentalism, but mawkishness, maudlinism, melodramatics, mushiness – a host of ‘m’ words to make the whole idea quite unappealing.
Further to these immediate uses, nostalgia has featured in postmodern theorizing in the fields of History, Sociology and related academic disciplines, where again, it has regularly been viewed as retrograde and politically unproductive. In the field of Psychology, discussions of nostalgia come and go on the tides of scholarly fascination. The recent formation of a Nostalgia Research Group in the Faculty of Social and Human Sciences at the University of Southampton suggests the latest stirring of research interest in the topic. Yet in all these varying definitions and interpretations, there is only the occasional reminder that nostalgia started out as a medical problem, a term coined by Swiss physician Johannes Hofer in his “Medical Dissertation on Nostalgia” published in 1688 (or 1678 according to some sources).
Hofer’s piece was a short but detailed investigation of a malady he characterized as “the sad mood originating from the desire to return to one’s native land.” While allowing that notions of homesickness, the German word heimweh and the French mal du pays all went some way to defining what was in fact, a disease, Hofer argued that a medical name, an agreed set of symptoms and effective treatments were required. After briefly considering the terms nosomania and philopatridomania, Hofer settled on nostalgia – “Greek in origin and indeed composed of two sounds, the one of which is Nosos, return to the native land; the other, Algos, signifies suffering or grief.”
According to Hofer, nostalgia was a disease of an “afflicted imagination” that regularly resulted in death. In its early stages, nostalgia manifested as a general melancholy accompanied by obsessive thoughts and recurrent images of one’s homeland. This caused a “continuous vibration of animal spirits through those fibers of the middle brain in which impressed traces of ideas of the Fatherland still cling.” The increase in activity through the nerve channels where memories of home were stored resulted in decreased blood flow to the other regions of the brain. So in a self-perpetuating course of illness, the obsessive thoughts would worsen, while interest in one’s own physical well-being and current surroundings would diminish. As the disease progressed, diagnostic signs included sadness and anxiety, “frequent sighs,” disturbed sleep, loss of appetite, poor blood circulation, heart palpitations, and fevers. Finally, declared Hofer, “by consuming the spirits… it (nostalgia) hastens death.”
This is hardly the nostalgia we recognize today. What happened to the term nostalgia during the subsequent three centuries to alter it beyond recognition? Where is nostalgia the pathology, the set of symptoms in need of diagnosis and treatment? And finally, what might happen if we brought it back, if we countered baseball’s cracker-barrel philosopher by making nostalgia something of what it used to be?
For the first two centuries following Hofer’s dissertation, nostalgia remained a medical concern, although the discourses surrounding it began to change. In physicians’ writings, the understanding of nostalgia crept beyond the immediate physical complications of homesickness, to include pathological, spiritual pining for the vanished past. The typical sufferer of nostalgia, a student, soldier, or other exile, experienced symptoms that belied a profound confusion between home as a physical, geographical place and home as a remembered, imagined place. People afflicted with nostalgia might see ghosts, hear the voices of dead loved ones, shift from past to present without being aware of it, or even lose the ability to distinguish between the two.
This link between nostalgia and memory was identified early and most evocatively by Immanuel Kant in his Anthropology from a Pragmatic Point of View (1798). Kant noted that when homesick people revisit the places of their youth, “they are greatly disappointed in their expectations and so cured. Though they think this is because everything has changed there, it is really because they cannot relive their youth there.” Kant’s point can be read as an anticipation of the widening of nostalgia’s meaning and its symptoms. A century after Hofer’s work, homesickness had morphed into a malady of both space and time, an affliction that had its origins in the normally healthy attachments a person holds for remembered people and places, for cherished objects, distant events, and even for the sense memories that would later be rendered by Proust. An image or a piece of music, a voice, a taste, a texture, or smell – all of these might have potent effects on the ‘nostalgiac’. Yet if nostalgia had become more complex as a malady, if it began to incorporate permutations to do more directly with memory and the passage of time, it remained a malady. At least until the latter decades of the nineteenth century, nostalgia would be considered an affliction to be diagnosed and treated by physicians.
The diagnostic challenge was to spot an imminent attack of nostalgia in the victim’s descent from healthy remembering into illness. In the century before Freud and Breuer and the invention of the ‘talking cure’, treatments included purging, sweet wine, opium, restorative sojourns in the mountains, and the avoidance of affective images or musical strains. Increasingly, nostalgia came to be associated with military experience, with French physicians recording its frequent appearance in soldiers during the Napoleonic Wars. In the field, it was contagious and sometimes occurred as epidemics among the troops, manifesting itself in cases of fever, loss of appetite, unstoppable sobbing and a fear of falling asleep.
In an excellent brief history of nostalgia, historian of psychiatry Ed Brown found that medical interest in nostalgia increased during the early decades of the nineteenth century, with most physicians agreeing that the origins of the disease resided in the “first affective connections to people and places in the child’s world”. Brown noted that the symptoms of nostalgia resembled those of melancholia, but nostalgia continued to be seen as a separate affliction because of the “specificity of its object and the rapidity with which it developed.” Moreover, nostalgia continued to be viewed as a disorder that was potentially fatal, and one that left discernable organic, post-mortem changes in its victims.
During the American Civil War, doctors diagnosed more than five thousand cases of nostalgia on the Union side alone, a number of these ending in death. In 1863, Doctor Dewitt C. Peters, an assistant surgeon, provided a detailed list of its symptoms and progression: “First, great mental dejection, loss of appetite, indifference to external influences, irregular action of the bowels, and slight hectic fever. As the disease progresses, it is attended by hysterical weeping, a dull pain in the head, throbbing of the temporal arteries, anxious expression of the face, watchfulness, incontinence of urine, spermatorrhea, increased hectic fever, and a general wasting of all the vital powers.”
In some military camps, measures were taken to limit nostalgia-inducing activities such as writing letters home; camp bands might be instructed not to play suggestive musical pieces like Home! Sweet Home! Individual treatments varied from the granting of brief periods of convalescence to the infliction of physical punishment or a swift return to battle, for what some officers considered to be malingering. In retrospect, it might be argued that nostalgia, in the military context, was a variant and precursor of what would later be termed shell shock or soldier’s heart in the First World War, battle fatigue in the Second World War, and post-traumatic stress disorder after Vietnam.
After the Civil War, medical interest in nostalgia declined, as did the number of recorded cases. Observers at the time believed that better hygiene and education helped people to fight the ailment, while Brown notes that advances in transport and communications such as steam engines, a faster mail service and telegraph lines, promised to prevent the kinds of extreme separations that seemed to trigger outbreaks of acute nostalgia. Moreover, physicians had become excited by the study of hysteria, a promising and newly fashionable disorder.
It would seem then, that during the late nineteenth century, and continuing throughout the twentieth, while humanity busied itself with railways and ticker tapes, advanced weaponry, war, stocks and shares, advertising, buying on credit, moon landings, and oil prices, nostalgia gradually lost its status as a medical term and disappeared from the professional literature. Johannes Hofer and his treatise were left behind in the dark ages before Freud. But is it remotely possible that in his seminal Mourning and Melancholia (1917), Freud passed up what may have been a last opportunity to rescue the lost affliction from obscurity? Here, nostalgia and homesickness might have been reinvented for the age of the “talking cure”, restored to a rightful place in our individual and collective experiences of memory and loss, in the pathology of melancholy and the psychology of mourning.
In the decades following the birth of psychoanalysis, and especially during the fifties, when Freudian theory was, in its own turn, sometimes crassly popularized, the historical meanings and usages associated with nostalgia were finally mangled beyond recognition until its chief purpose became the performance of sentimentalism, the parcelling out of discount memory via television, advertising, heritage theme parks, and souvenir markets, all aspects of what we might call the ‘nostalgia industry’. As such, nostalgia became kitsch, trivial and reactionary: hardly the stuff of a meaningful engagement with the past or the workings of memory. Today, if we search the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM), the bible of much of the psychiatric profession, now in its fifth edition, we find no mention of nostalgia.
Yet, this may not be an altogether negative outcome for nostalgia. Indeed, as a historian and not a psychiatrist; I see no benefit in returning nostalgia to the DSM or to current discourses of medicine or psychology, especially if that means rigid sets of quantifiable symptoms, diagnostic tools or treatments. As early as 1875, French physician Charles Lasegue had signalled the eventual demedicalization of the term, declaring that as nostalgia lacked any “pathological unity”, perhaps it had always been more of a medical fantasy than a disease. “Mal du pays,” Lasegue wrote, “has more to do with poetic elegies than with medical descriptions.”
Yet I remain stubbornly nostalgic for nostalgia the ailment, or shall we say, condition. A condition that with or without a proven pathological base or unity, may still be experienced as Johannes Hofer first described it: as an “afflicted imagination”. A condition that precisely because it is poetic and elegiac, makes history itself the stuff of life experience. A condition that speaks to each person’s unsung passages in time and space, recognizing the intense meanings we attach to home, childhood, family, ancestry and place. Like it or not, nostalgia attends us – in our leave takings and returns, our weathering of continuity and change, and our inevitable losses. For all these reasons, and more specifically because it is about the strange entanglements of history and memory, nostalgia should be as interesting to historians, as to psychologists and sociologists.
We might all ask what became of its sufferers when nostalgia ceased to be a recognized illness. My suspicion is that the world is full of what we used to describe as nostalgia cases. They live in towns and cities, loosely strung like blinking Christmas lights; there may be acute cases, triggered by life events involving loss, grief, and trauma, but there may also be chronic cases, people constitutionally predisposed to an obsessive attachment to the past. Like the melancholics and hysterics who succeeded them, their symptoms have been subsumed under new diagnostic categories. This is not to say that people suffering from nostalgia cannot find help. Most therapy deals with memory as a matter of course. However, this particular experience of memory – still so widespread – has lost it place in the treatment rooms. And so this leaves us searching for places to speak about it, and constructive ways in which to use it.
Finally, nostalgia may assume collective and highly political form, affecting entire groups of people at particular historical conjunctures. Certainly most political players know how to tap their citizens’ nostalgic longings in order to gain support for backward-looking and often deeply conservative policies. Tea Party activists regularly conjure highly emotive narratives of an idealized American past that never really existed, one that effectively erases our historical social, race and gender inequalities. In these narratives, nostalgia becomes a shorthand for ‘the past is better’ and we should follow those who promise to return us there. So if we are to use nostalgia productively, we need to understand its political potency, and utilize it to engage our individual and collective pasts – good or bad – in the present. And we need to know when it is best to leave the past behind.
There are discernable stirrings of renewed interest in nostalgia. In the last few years, and more immediately since the start of 2014, a number of short newspaper articles have noted this interest, some of them re-examining nostalgia for its more productive possibilities. No doubt the nostalgia research unit at Southampton University will be a project to follow, and the website already lists a number of promising publications and academic collaborations. However, the Southampton Nostalgia Scale, a questionnaire that also appears on the website, seems less promising, and my strong suggestion is that we do not leave nostalgia to the psychologists or to quantitative research. It’s an interdisciplinary problem that will benefit from collaborations across the Arts, Humanities and Social Sciences. And more importantly, it has a vibrant life beyond the academy, in art, culture and our everyday lives.
Nostalgia has a lost history that might be recovered in order to move forward. If it once made us sick, might it sometimes make us better? After all, what Hofer really described was a manifestation of our all too human predilection for longing. More specifically, our longing for connection. We want something larger than ourselves and before ourselves, a chance to contemplate our irrecoverable past times, people and places, some directly remembered, some only traces felt when we enter the old rooms and houses, the old photo albums, the historical debris of those long gone. If our nostalgic longings might be reconceived as memory with its critical healing powers restored, in other words, as the working through of what we have lost, then nostalgia may yet prove a condition worth having.
(A version of this essay appears in the Fall 2014 Issue of Cobalt Review) http://www.cobaltreview.com/
Born in Detroit in 1892, my grandfather was a Tiger fan all his life. For more than half of the twentieth century, decade after decade, from Cobb to Kaline, he saw the great players. By the late forties, before I was born, he was known to say, “Get me a seat on the third base line. I want to smell George Kell’s sweat.”
I was born in 1954, into the era of transistor radios, when Grandad would sit at the backyard picnic table with his radio and a Drewrys Beer, the one with the Canadian Mountie on the can. I thought the Mountie must be listening too, as the tinny little radio crackled with the play of the game, delivering it into hot, late summer afternoons. I remember Tiger Stadium, the 1968 season and Grandad fighting back tears that same year, when my parents told him he had grown too frail to sit through a game downtown. He died two years later. For several seasons, I continued to commune with him, whispering the results after games and glancing up at the sky, the way we sometimes do with dead people.
From girlhood then, the Detroit Tigers were my team but I did not prove as faithful as my grandfather. I didn’t mean to be unfaithful. It’s just that thirty years ago, I married a Brit and moved from Michigan to London, after which first the Tigers, and gradually baseball itself faded from my thoughts.
At the start of 2012, before the old year’s Christmas decorations had been put away, unfaithfulness finally knocked at my door, bringing my already ailing marriage to a crashing end. Lies, cheating, bitter words. Indoor fireworks to match Fourth of July at the ballpark. Followed by the back and forth of futile phone calls, then when those dwindled, by pacing the kitchen floor late into the night, lights out, pausing only to stare out the back window at our empty yard. Sometimes I sat down beside the dog on her mat, burying my face in her big furry neck, hoping for some kind of comfort there.
Eventually the pacing slowed, giving way to hours on the sofa, silent tears, grief, sleepless nights, wondering, and regret. Yogi Berra said, “It ain’t over ‘til it’s over.” This may be true of baseball, but in matters of love, sometimes it’s over before it’s over. We got together too young and it has to be said, stayed together too long. And so we parted badly and in pain. In the end, there was no ninth inning rally, no effort, no belief; only the slamming of doors.
But I’m not here to talk about all that. Not really. In time, we may be kinder to one another, but our story will never turn to anything better than sad. No, I’m here to tell you something about baseball, about what happened later, during the spring and summer that followed, as I began to look for respite in the world outside my dead marriage. I concentrated on work. I tried to kindle new friendships and rekindle some old ones. These efforts were tentative at first, and results were uneven. You’re up by a game or two, but then you’re down. It’s a long season.
Some evenings, I came home tipsy on cocktails and fully convinced I was having a ball as a single woman; other evenings, I came home to a cold house, played old Sinatra ballads about broken hearts and sat down beside the dog. She showed concern and licked my face. At one point, I subscribed to an online dating site, but as soon as I began receiving responses from other members, I recoiled in terror and closed the account. “I think the online dating experiment showed me I’m not really interested in a relationship,” I told a friend. “You’re just not ready,” she answered. As though readiness were a natural, expected progression. I tried to believe, but decided any ‘dating’ would have to occur as part of ordinary daily encounters, so when I met a nice fellow at a party, I stepped up bravely. We agreed to meet for dinner a week later. There followed seven days of dread, followed by an evening that had all the charm of a dentist appointment. I dated two or three others after that, less enthusiastically, and well, let’s just say that I really ought to apologize to the guys involved for wasting their time.
It didn’t matter where or how they turned up, clearly there were men out there. All shapes and sizes and characters of men. They were out there, all right. But I began to see that my reaction had little to do with who they were or might be. I realized that I didn’t want them, didn’t need them at all. It reminded me of my best Christmas morning when, aged ten, I sat at the foot of the twinkling tree and unwrapped my first pair of figure skates. Wearing my own skates, soon I would glide across the ice, free and alone. When I was a kid, skating often made me think about baseball. I loved the game, but I wasn’t much good at it. I was good at ice skating. I liked to imagine that the skater, moving down the river or across the pond, was like any player in his fielding position, or on the pitcher’s mound, or at bat. There was a loneliness in baseball that was part of its appeal. Throughout childhood summers, when I watched the Tigers, I sometimes dreamed of snow and my dad freezing the backyard to make a rink for me. In winter, practicing my spins on the ice, I dreamed of Tiger Stadium.
Sometime in late August 2012, many months after my husband had moved out, perhaps during the period I was figuring out some of these questions about dating, friendship, and what to do with myself, I began to notice the baseball standings. They appeared every Saturday in my British newspaper, so it was a weekly reconnoitre at first. The Detroit Tigers were leading the division. Soon I was checking every result on the Tigers’ website, where I found there were photos and highlights. I began tracking coverage in the Detroit papers, learning about the players.
It was new to me, but it was powerfully old to me too. Following baseball was, again, like ice skating: a sense memory, a stir of knowledge, a movement that slips into your body and never fully leaves you. By the time of the 2012 pennant race and World Series, I had subscribed to Major League Baseball television and was streaming the games on my laptop. Okay, we lost in four games; I had barely returned to baseball and watched just a fraction of a season. But for a few precious weeks, I had fallen back into a pleasure so deep that I knew I would be there for the next opening day.
Winter came. I wasn’t a girl in Michigan anymore, but once again, I thought about baseball during the cold months when all the ballparks were quiet. I worked, saw my friends, went out and about in London, got used to coming home alone and liking it. There were, and always will be, hard moments. When there is nobody to tell; nobody to call. But these are no harder than another person’s hard moments. I was looking outside myself again, remembering what Humphrey Bogart once said to Ingrid Bergman – that lovers’ problems “don’t amount to a hill of beans in this crazy world.” And anyway, for my pleasure, I had a complete season of baseball waiting for me when the snow melted and the ice skaters hung up their skates.
And so to 2013, my first complete season in many years. My subscription granted me each and every game on my laptop, but of course the night games and west coast games appeared in the small hours here. For some night games, I moved the laptop to my bedside, typically drifting off to sleep during the middle innings. The cheering crowd or animated announcers woke me for crucial plays. But I lived for the day games, which would arrive about dinner time in London; I cooked and ate with the laptop on the kitchen table, and was regularly joined by my son. A Londoner by birth, he persists in calling the games ‘matches’, but he now knows the difference between a sinker and a slider, can give the ERA for any Detroit pitcher, batting averages down the line-up, Miggy’s home run count. Like baseball fans anywhere, we sat in the kitchen and cheered, complained, argued about calls. In between innings, we looked up baseball rules, stats and lore.
During some games, my son and I spent excessive amounts of time peering into baseball’s living room, its domestic space – the dugout. We desired the company of the players; we analysed the character of this one or that one, or the relations between them. Like a pair of homeless people outside the picture window, we hungrily watched the talking and teasing in the dugout, the summer boredom, the camaraderie, the ups and downs of the game inscribed on the players’ faces. A diminished family, we secretly longed for more than was reasonable to ask of your baseball team. But somehow, the Tigers delivered.
Steady and reliable, these guys turned up 162 times. Yes, one of the most compelling aspects of baseball is its season, its 162 games. Readers of sports journalism may remember Thomas Boswell’s lovely book, How Life Imitates the World Series. In the opening chapter, he quotes Earl Weaver on the baseball schedule, “This ain’t a football game,” Weaver says. “We do this every day.” Boswell claims that this is “baseball’s great blessing and the source of its richness: you play it every day.” He suggests that the 162 games produce a micro-culture of regularity and balance. “The sense of elemental sanity and order that we sometimes feel around baseball is not entirely a romantic wish; the game has, at its core, a distinct therapeutic quality.”
Having entered the 2013 season following a period of personal loss and upheaval, perhaps I submitted Boswell’s claim to a small, private test. I make no sweeping claims, but I can confirm that for me, the frequency of play, the episodic quality of home and away series, the removal of clock time, the old-fashioned uniforms, the grass and the baselines, the ghost of my grandfather near third base, the summer heat, the lights, the balls fouled off into the crowd, the 1-2-3 innings, the long and narratively complex innings, the strike counts, the arcane signs from the coaches, the impenetrable relationship between pitcher and catcher, meetings on the mound, the occasional bench-clearing fight, the endless statistics attaching to each player and each situation, the lazy inaction on the field punctuated by bursts of brilliance from a batter or fielder, then the return to a quiet game in the middle of a hot afternoon – all of these elements burrow inside the person who watches with any kind of regularity. They slow a person down, cause her to live in the moment, cause her to feel close to the players who turn up every day. She comes to care about them, mothers them, sisters them, gradually forgets her age and falls giddily in love with one or two of them. She sends little messages throughout the season, if only in her thoughts. Fans and messages. It’s a powerful element in baseball culture. We talk to the players and imagine they hear us.
Towards the end of the regular season, I was out for dinner with a friend. He asked me why I didn’t show much interest in dating. I told him that at least 162 times a year, I’ve got nine guys in the field, and at least eight of them are willing to go to bat for me. A few weeks later, the Tigers lost the Pennant to the Red Sox, and for the first time in many months, I was lost and lonely again. But I had things to do and the feeling slowly passed, leaving a residue of post-season melancholy.
My divorce will soon be final. I used to find it hard to imagine life without him. Not anymore. I’ll be fine, having understood that many good things do, and should, come to an end. Fortunately, baseball isn’t one of them. Dear Tigers, I’m back, communing with my team and my grandfather too. While winter lasts and the cold winds blow, I’ll keep busy. Maybe I’ll try a date or two. But between you and me, I’d rather go ice skating and dream of opening day.
(Editorial piece for the Detroit News: August 13, 2013)
“Where was I? I was living quietly in the suburbs, officer! This bankruptcy business has nothing to do with me!”
This is the answer I once might have given, before I looked into my fifties childhood in Garden City, the history of our all-white neighborhood and its relation to Detroit. Now, I consider suburbanites to be deeply and historically implicated in the state of Detroit, its economic decline of some six decades, its present crisis and uncertain future.
During the first suburban boom of the 1920s, Garden City was marketed as the “sun parlor of Detroit.” Realtors went door to door downtown, in search of customers for newly subdivided lots. Buyers were told that “children might be raised in safety, far from the maddening crowd, the factory smoke and the city’s noise.” When Garden City became incorporated as a home rule city in 1933, its separation from Detroit was fully established, along with its identification of itself as a living space that was emphatically white and anti-urban.
The attraction of incorporation was that it further localized municipal power over zoning and public services. Public maintenance, schools, and police and fire departments fell under the jurisdiction of the suburban municipality. The point here is that incorporation allowed for the gains of a growing suburban tax base to be kept in local coffers. In the 1950s, an additional twenty-two new suburban cities incorporated themselves, bringing about a proliferation of local governments surrounding Detroit, each creating a closed political entity, each part of the larger disinvestment of Detroit.
Positioned as it was, less than twenty miles from Detroit, Garden City stood to benefit from post-war industrial and commercial suburbanization. With manufacturing facilities relocating from Detroit to nearby industrial corridors, Garden City’s growth was assured. Soon shops, supermarkets, gas stations and fast food restaurants would appear along nearby suburban strip roads.
Those of us who grew up in the fifties and early sixties recall that many of our fathers commuted to downtown offices; we recall family outings to Hudson’s, the movie palaces around Grand Circus Park or Tiger Stadium. But by the 1960s, these outings had already become less frequent. Take shopping, for example. Between 1954 and 1961, twenty-nine “one stop” shopping centers opened in the suburbs. Eventually, Garden City residents had several malls within striking distance of home, including Wonderland and Westland. Kern’s, Detroit’s second-largest department store, closed in 1959, removing almost an entire commercial block from the city tax rolls. Hudson’s downtown store clung to life until 1983, but its sales began to decline as early as 1954, the losses temporarily offset by suburban outlets at Northland and Eastland.
Suburbanites had less and less to do with Detroit, yet when we travelled out of state or abroad for vacations, we continued to tell people we were Detroiters, not only because nobody had heard of Garden City or the other suburbs, but because suburbanites retained an oddly nostalgic attachment to Detroit, expressing pride in the automotive dream, in our sports teams, in Motown music.
Two points might be made immediately here. First, we were using the city, visiting it, claiming its successes, even as we withdrew from it. In what Detroit’s radical geographer, William Bunge, called “the great American tax dodge,” suburbanization was part of the historical shift of people, money, industry, commerce and resources away from the heart of the city to its surrounding areas, all of which were busily separating through incorporation. Separating and segregating. And this is the second point: how ironic that we should take such pride in Motown, when so few of us had ever met a black person. Suburban Detroit always was, and largely remains, closed to black residence.
Interviewed for David Mast’s 1994 Detroit Lives, Dr. Arthur Johnson, formerly of Wayne State and the NAACP, put it this way: “If you’re thinking about Detroit in the ‘50s, what you call the good old days is a question of who’s talking. I could not possibly want to return to the Detroit of the 1950s… Whites literally walked away from this city, literally abandoning all they had built, rather than make a reasonable accommodation. As a result, we have seen a pattern of economic disinvestment in this city that cannot be matched by any other major city in the United States. When I say it rides on race, I absolutely mean that.”
Watching the twitter feeds in the hours following the bankruptcy announcement, it was easy to spot the suburbanites, many of whom continue to resort to racist interpretations which are more or less explicit. Nothing saddens and disappoints me more, although it comes as no surprise. Suburbanites have regularly blamed black Detroit for the city’s problems since before the disorders of 1967, seeing the violence of that long hot summer and of Detroit’s larger decline as events that had nothing to do with them. As a child of Garden City, and indeed it was a happy childhood, I recognize this great suburban denial, the failure to see the violence embedded in the segregated suburban spaces that were so close to Detroit, and yet so far.
In 1957, the Garden City School Board heard that Packard Motor Company was in a state of liquidation and duly arranged to purchase Packard’s opulent boardroom furniture for the School Board meeting room. I don’t know where that massive board-of-directors table is now, but nothing would give me greater hope than to carry it back downtown only to find it too small to accommodate all the suburbanites eager, finally, to acknowledge our part in Detroit’s history, to overcome the divisions of race, to listen, talk and work together, and become Detroiters again. Call me naïve, but that is my abiding dream.
Amy Kenyon is Visiting Lecturer at Goldsmiths College, University of London. She is the author of Dreaming Suburbia (Wayne State University Press). Her first novel, Ford Road, was published last year by the University of Michigan Press. A shorter version of this piece appeared in the Detroit News, August 13, 2013.
Ford Road, a new Michigan-based novel by historian Amy Kenyon, tells the story of Kay Seger, a historical consultant to a Los Angeles film company who abandons her career to return to her childhood home in Michigan after the death of her mother. There, Kay rekindles a teenage love affair with Joe Chase, now a Vietnam War veteran and Ford auto worker, and begins an investigation of her family’s past that transports readers to Detroit at the dawn of the automotive age and Michigan’s rural western counties after the settlement of the frontier. In this Q&A, Kenyon, who was born in Dearborn, Michigan, and spent her childhood in suburban Detroit, offers insights into her approach to writing the book and how it was inspired by her own family’s history and influenced by her historical work on suburban Detroit.
The University of Michigan Press: Like Ford Road’s main character, Kay, you grew up in suburban Detroit and became a historian. To what extent is Kay based on you?
Amy Kenyon: In a novel so clearly conceived as a kind of love letter to particular times and places from my Michigan past, this question was always going to be asked! It is fair to say that a number of my own preoccupations – my background in urban history and film history, my enthusiasm for the Detroit Tigers, to cite a few examples – have been filtered through Kay, and to a lesser extent through Joe and other characters. At the same time, Kay is crafted. By that I mean she is subject to the shape and substance of the story and its writing – the language and strategies that come into play.
In a wonderful recent essay titled “What is Real is Imagined,” Irish writer Colm Toibin helpfully described the approach he takes in his own fiction, much of which is set in and around the Irish town of Enniscorthy:
“What occurs as I walk in the town now is nothing much….What happens, however, when I remember my mother, wearing a red coat, leaving our house in the town on a morning in the winter of 1968, going to work, walking along John Street…is powerful and compelling. It brings with it a sort of music and a strange need…I don’t know what she thought, of course, so I have to imagine. In doing so, I use certain and uncertain facts, but I add to the person I remember or have invented. Also, I take things away.”
This is a process I recognize, and in writing Ford Road, it was no less true for Kay than for my other characters. And so, although we can say that Kay casts a shadow that is to some extent shaped liked me, she also has a shape and a life force of her own, derived from the writing of the book, the needs of the story and the course of the narrative, its language and tone. Kay is as much a creation as any of the other characters.
UMP: There is a passage in the book in which Kay and Joe talk about their hometown, Garden City. The town is described as “having no center,” and Joe claims that “Most of the people in this town are terrified of strangers, even though they never actually meet any.” Kay goes on to reflect on the fact that no one seems to want to stay in the town, and she notes that “the story of Garden City is inseparable from the story of the automobile.” Can you explain what Kay means by that statement?
AK: In some of these discussions between Joe and Kay, I am giving voice to findings in my historical work on suburban Detroit, how suburbanization was bound up with industry, race, postwar housing practices and forms of segregation found in the urban north. I hand much of the critical voice to Joe who, as an auto worker at the Rouge Plant and a blue collar suburbanite, but one jaded by other experiences in life, is well placed to measure the cost of some of these processes. In a sense, and to those of us who grew up in the region, none of Joe’s comments are entirely surprising.
Yet despite her formal training as a historian, Kay is really quite naïve about these questions. So when she finally arrives at that statement – that the story of Garden City is inseparable from the story of the automobile – she is drawing on what she has learned from Joe, but also what she has learned as a family historian. Her grandfather was essentially the last Detroiter; her father was a suburban commuter: both father and grandfather worked for Ford, albeit in very different historical moments and capacities. In tracking their stories, and in setting those stories in what she has learned about Ford, Detroit, cars and roads, indeed in Ford Road itself, Kay finally grasps the myriad invisible ways in which these private and public histories have shaped the spaces and lives of virtually everyone who grew up in that area.
It is helpful here to remember that Kay is a historian, but she worked for Hollywood as a historical consultant. This explains some of her naïveté, but also her somewhat obsessive tendency to read history through popular film and song. As a result, she finds it difficult to disentangle the history of the car and the road from their representation on film, and from peculiarly American ideas about home, leaving home, taking to the road, returning home. For example, Kay’s love of the Orson Welles film, The Magnificent Ambersons, comes as no surprise in this context. The film speaks to her own ambivalence about the American Dream, the small town, and the impact of the automobile on our history and culture.
In Kay’s mind, all of these elements – Joe’s critical commentaries, Ford history, her family history in relation to Detroit and its suburbs; then road movies and movies about home – all of these come to litter the historical highway that is Ford Road.
UMP: As Kay investigates her family’s past, scenes that take place in Detroit at the dawn of the automotive age and in Michigan’s western counties after the settlement of the frontier come to life. How did you research these settings?
AK: A number of scenes – for example, the route from New York to western Michigan followed by Alonzo Shaw in the 1830s, the story of Shaw farm on the Michigan frontier, recollections of baseball in Detroit and the corner that would eventually become Tiger Stadium, the introduction of the moving assembly line at Ford, Detroit’s first auto fatality, and many others – required the time to visit particular locations that provide settings for the novel, as well as a fair amount of reading and research, and finally, approaches to other historians, all of which I have documented in the Acknowledgments.
At the same time, I was acutely aware that I was writing fiction and that I needed to silence the historian in me – that little voice that worries about sources, documentation, quoting and referencing. As a first time novelist, this was perhaps the hardest task initially, but also a pleasurable one, to free myself of the rules of academic writing in order to let the story and the characters carry history as lightly as possible. When I look at particular chapters, I may know that weeks of digging went into the production of a few short passages. But I hope I judged well enough when to let things go, let historical fact be embedded in the story but not directly evident, so that the reader does not feel the burden of my research.
Finally, I was lucky in having friends and family members who generously shared memories and stories. For example, my father told me a great deal about the terms of the GI Bill, buying his first home in the 1950s, and a number of other topics. A childhood friend shared his memories of coming home after Vietnam. These are great gifts to any writer of historical fiction.
UMP: As she delves into her family’s past, Kay stumbles across the lost history of nostalgia. What surprised you the most as you investigated this subject? How much of what you write about nostalgia in the book is real, and what is fiction?
AK: Before I started the book, I did not know about Johannes Hofer, the Swiss physician who coined the term nostalgia in 1688, or his description of it as an organic disease characterized by a “sad mood originating from the desire to return to one’s native land.” Nor did I know much about the subsequent history of nostalgia as it gradually morphed from medical ailment to our current views of it as a kind of bittersweet, personal experience or as a cultural condition.
I found this material absolutely compelling, particularly in light of the fact that nowadays we often think of nostalgia in negative terms, as an experience of memory that is backward looking and unproductive. I wanted to see if I could draw upon this history to restore something, however small, of the positive potential in nostalgia, its connection to how we grieve and remember, but also how we use memory, loss, and the past to move forward. By creating my fictional Dr. Thisroy, his writings and his somewhat eccentric attempts to resurrect nostalgia as a disease, I was asking whether nostalgia might still be part of a positive and therapeutic engagement between past and present. I don’t think the novel provides a definitive answer, but it fantasizes that possibility.
UMP: In the Acknowledgments, you write that two discoveries relating to your own family’s past led you to write Ford Road. Can you describe how finding out about your great-grandfather’s suicide and your great-grandmother’s disappearance compelled you to write this novel?
AK: I originally set out to write a story loosely based on my grandfather’s early life in Detroit and his move to the rural counties of western Michigan. I had almost no information about his life, but I always thought of him as the “last Detroiter” in the family and that interested me as the basis for a novel. So it was specific places that motivated me at first – not only Detroit, Tiger Stadium, and the Ford plants, but also Middleville, the Thornapple River and western Michigan, the streets and playgrounds of Garden City, and finally, the differences between city, suburb and small town – and that is why Ford Road remains, in many respects, primarily a novel about place or what some might call a “regional novel.”
Much of my writing constitutes an attempt to come to terms with this mysterious impact of place, including the absence or erasure of place, on our sense of who we are. In the case of Detroit, I never lived there; as a child, I lived in Garden City, a suburb that had implications for the history of Detroit. There remains much that I don’t know about Detroit, and for me, some sense of loss. This may explain why I can’t seem to stop reading and writing about it, along with a number of other Michigan locations. The fact that I now live in London, an ocean and culture away, probably only serves to heighten these preoccupations.
But it is also true that my attraction to these places came from earlier family history searches – first into my grandfather’s life, but then into the preceding generation with these two mysteries: a suicide on the Detroit side of the family, and a missing unwed mother on the other side of the family and the other side of the state.
I was clear from the start that the real fate of Allie Green, the missing woman, would probably never be known. I was equally clear that any attempt to explain a suicide is fraught with peril, and certainly, in the case of my great-grandfather, no evidence existed to shed light on this event. So in a sense, the novel was created out of my frustration with family history – with the awareness that however hard we search, it remains difficult to get inside the minds of our ancestors, to truly understand their feelings and motivations, how they experienced on a cognitive and emotional level, the times and places in which they lived. Therefore, I felt that the best way to honor them, and these two particular histories, was to liberate myself from the few facts I possessed in order create characters and stories that any reader might recognize and care about.
Virginia Woolf once remarked that where the truth is important, she preferred to write fiction. I wrote in that spirit, in the belief that fiction can deliver something of the truth of our ordinary lives, of how quiet lives conceal tragedies, lonely struggles, painful decisions and loving sacrifices, and sometimes inexplicable acts.
The Magnificent Ambersons (1942)